Every time, Every single fucking time I try to do something to help myself, To distinguish my sorry little self so that I'm no longer pointless, Every time, Someone has got there first. There is nothing new under the sun. Someone has already got it done, And they did it Better than me. So why... Continue Reading →
I don't have the energy for it. The energy not just to BE happy but to keep it up. The trouble is, every time I try and then stop, it's like starting over, exactly as it was in the beginning, and sometimes worse, which is hard for people to understand. Especially my mother. 'But you... Continue Reading →
This is not a ‘think positively and you’ll be fine’ post. And yes, I know, I KNOW what I said about hacks and tips here, but I hope these are a little different and a little more realistic. So I’ve been struggling with clinical depression, on and off, for my entire adult life. (I... Continue Reading →
Over half a year. The modern world says I should have moved on. I should be ecstatic to be single and enthusiastically embracing my new life. I cannot. Every time I hear your name, every time I see your picture, the tears begin anew. I cry for the loss of the future we could have... Continue Reading →
I draw nothing but beautiful faces and figures. My own is showing the signs of age. I was never beautiful, and I defy all those who would tell me otherwise. What I was was pretty. Pretty enough to get by, and certainly photogenic. I'm still photogenic. I can take a nice picture in a decent... Continue Reading →
I promised myself I would try to be more prolific with my writing whilst stuck at home feeling depressed. However, depression had other ideas, as it usually does. But anyway, I have managed to get myself into the mood to put pen to paper, or to put finger to keyboard at least, and I don't... Continue Reading →
I'm sitting at my laptop, procrastinating. My mood is strange, I am both despairing and sort of numb. I want to scream at everything, 'I DON'T CARE. FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE'. Even at the people who are trying to help. I got up today. I put some makeup on, and I brushed my... Continue Reading →
Two months since we broke up. Two days before my mother got taken into hospital. It hasn't been a fun two months. So tonight we rehearsed, as the show must go on, and I'm still in it. We rehearsed at your place. Your mother treated me as she always did, polite and friendly. Once the... Continue Reading →
The maelstrom within has overtaken me tonight. Churning, howling, furious and desolate. Blinded by darkness, I am clawing for the pinpoints of light. They are blinking out of existence, one by one by painful one. I have fought this for so long, but storms small and large just keep adding to it, until it isn't... Continue Reading →
