My eyes don't sparkle any more. My face doesn't sing. I look sort of like a corpse.
My depression used to be 'attractive'. When I was young, slim, and vibrant, being sad was a magnet for people who wanted to 'heal' me and make me smile. Now I'm fat, old, and alone (self-imposed isolation, I admit. But it's hard to get out of the pattern), it's much less attractive to people. Who... Continue Reading →
1. Put 2. It 3. Fucking 4. Down 5. And 6. Do 7. Something 8. Else (Ironically written on my phone)
This is not a ‘think positively and you’ll be fine’ post. And yes, I know, I KNOW what I said about hacks and tips here, but I hope these are a little different and a little more realistic. So I’ve been struggling with clinical depression, on and off, for my entire adult life. (I... Continue Reading →
I found out that I had contracted flu, which had turned into pneumonia extremely fast. I had then developed a wonderful complication called ARDS. Also known historically as 'shock lung', your lungs basically fill with fluid and stop moving. It has a fairly high mortality rate, and from what I have read since joining support... Continue Reading →
There were more, and odder, dreams. There were some which are still particularly disturbing, including one in which it felt like I was being sexually abused. I have never ever spoken about this. It's hard to talk about something that probably didn't happen because I was sedated at the time, but that feels like it... Continue Reading →
My memory after that (see Coma Story Part 1) is strange. I have three weeks' worth of hallucinations and dreams from that time. The odd thing is that they are as real to me as walking to the shops yesterday. I have since been told that the particular combination of drugs I was being given... Continue Reading →
It's exactly ten years ago (as of Nov 28th that is), that I came home from hospital after having been incredibly near death, and in an induced coma for a month. I am writing about it to remind myself of what I've come through, and in the hope that I will lean more towards positivity... Continue Reading →