Depression Expression: Part III

I’m stuck at home with chicken pox (and yes, you can get it more than once; this is the third time I’ve had it!). The itching is that of a million ants trying to harvest jam which has been spread all over my body. What a delightful sensation. However, the perspective one gains when forcibly stuck at home as opposed to voluntarily is quite interesting.

I have been improving, slowly, over the past couple of weeks, I think. I put this down to a few factors:

  1. ‘Losing’ contact with a few people who were putting pressure on me and subsequently making me want to hide away further.
  2.  Actually accepting one of the many invitations I have had recently from friends who expect nothing but my company, resulting in pressure-free evenings.
  3. Being a tad more creative – actually writing a little more and drawing a little more – and singing again, which is hugely healing for me.
  4. Talking very honestly with a couple of specific friends who are going through or have been through similar things – it’s so nice to first be completely open without fear of judgement or criticism and secondly to know that the other party completely understands where you’re coming from. It makes for an easy conversation (and I don’t mean we talk about nothing but how down we are, how very sad that would be; we simply acknowledge each others’ moods as a natural part of the conversation) and one in which anything goes. This cheers me up more often than not.
  5. Looking into moving. I’m going with the theory that ‘a change is as good as a rest’ and am looking into transferring to a new home (only locally, as in a few roads from where I currently am).
  6. Trying to be more self-forgiving. I don’t always succeed. My strongest voice is that which hates me – but I’m sometimes succeeding in shutting her the hell up. Those days are good days.
  7. Trying to focus a little more on others rather than myself. I organised a couple of charity concerts a few years ago to raise money for the Red Cross – they didn’t raise a lot but I enjoyed the feeling of getting people together for the purposes of helping others. I’m trying to do the same again this year. Watch this space.

Hopefully, this upward trend will continue. I am very good at making positive plans then never following them through however, so we’ll see. Everything’s on hold at the moment anyway, whilst I wait out my quarantine and intensely itchy time, so I have plenty of time to think. Perhaps too much.

Love to everyone else who is going through similar things at the moment. Keep looking forward, even if you can’t see a forward to look to.


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